Since I spent so much time discoursing on the Western view of sexuality in my recent blog “Christianity and Sex,”, some of you who are online Chinese dating or interested in doing so might be curious about their culture’s view of sexuality. Although I am no expert on this, I recently came a across a book “Behind the Red Door: Sex in China” by Richard Burger which, among other things, paints an interesting historical picture of sex in the Middle Kingdom. Of the two sources of classical Chinese thought—Confucianism and Daoism—Confucianism yields little discussion because Confucius says so little about sex. He does, however, have one of my favorite lines in the history of thought regarding the general issue of sexuality, lamenting that he has never met anyone who cared more about virtue than he did about hot chicks (this being an admittedly loose but essentially accurate translation).
However Daoism yields much more rich discussion on this topic. Daoism, according to Burger, “celebrates sex as a vital force for men to improve their health, to find tranquility, to gain longevity and even immortality.” The classic Chinese terms “yin” and “yang” are even used to describe the sex organs (I’ll let you figure out which is which). But overall the depiction of sex contrasts strongly with the negative depiction of it in early Christianity. Here is a quote from the early Daoist classic “The Canon of Peace and Tranquility.”
“Through the way of copulation between husband and wife, the Yin and Yang all obtain what they need and Heaven and Earth become peace and tranquility. Based on one Yin and one Yang, Heaven allows both men and women to exist.”
Sex, for the Daoists, played a key role in enhancing men’s qi or vital force and for gaining a woman’s Yin essence, which would inevitably bring him a longer life. Women will be glad to hear that this goal is achieved by bringing the woman to orgasm multiple times in order to share her Yin and in this way enhance man’s vital powers. But if this was going to work, it was necessary for men to preserve his qing (the concentrated form of qi that in a man is semen and that in a woman are her vaginal juices). In other words, the goal is for a man to take in the Yin but to conserve his qing and the way to do this was for a man to control his ejaculation. (For those in the West this process will be familiar to devotees of the classic Stanley Kubrick film, “Dr. Strangelove” who recall the notion of “purity of essence”).
As a result, Daoist sex manuals go to great lengths instructing men how to desensitize the penis so that intercourse can be enjoyed longer. The longer it continues, the more vaginal juices (qi) one absorbs. Men are also taught to “injaculate,” which involves diverting the flow of sperm inward instead of outward.
According to the manuals (can’t say I’ve tried this personally) the man achieves this goal by putting pressure on the area between the scrotum and the anus right at the moment orgasm begins. When pressed with sufficient pressure, this allegedly diverts the flow of semen to the bladder, whence it supposedly moves into the bloodstream and strengthens the mind. (Again, another Western reference if you recall in Seinfeld how once George Constanza gave up sex, he became a mental giant. Unfortunately, given his nature, he could not keep this up for long).
But keeping your Yang to yourself is not enough to get the full strengthening effect of sex. In addition, the woman need to bring his female partner to orgasm so that he she can emit her own version of qi. Daoist sex manuals go to great length in instructing men how to bring a sexual partner to orgasm, hopefully (for both involved) several times a night. One Daoist text provides the following instruction on how to do so:
“In the Daoism master’s sexual battle [to give the woman an orgasm while avoiding ejaculation] his enemy is the woman. He should begin by touching her vulva, kissing her lips and tongue, and touching her breasts, making her highly aroused. But he should keep himself under control, his mind as detached as if he was floating in the azure sky, his body sunk into nothingness.”
As a final note, it should be obvious by now if not especially appreciated that, since sperm must be preserved at all costs, masturbation (or self-gratification if the website won’t allow that) is definitely off limits. As you can see online Chinese dating can be fun and informative. I am certain, at least, that Chinese women will appreciate you bringing this little piece of their tradition along with you.
Peter Vernezze blogs on various topics about Chinese dating, Chinese women and things Chinese. For trusted Chinese dating services and for beautiful Chinese Women join http://www.ChinaLoveMatch.net