Tuesday, March 12, 2013

A Different Type of Chinese Women

In my last blog I wrote about a woman who seemed unique among the Chinese women I have met while dating in China. I wrote about her particular story and now I want to generalize on it a bit, what it tells me about dating in China, Chinese women, etc.

Most of the women you will come across in China can be classified into one of two groups. On the one hand, there are those—the majority, I would argue—who are looking for a long term partner to settle down with and raise a family. In this they are similar to most women in China. And this is how it should be. A culture survives by perpetuating itself. Marriage and family fall into what Plato called the best of all activities, things that are good for themselves and for their consequences. Marriage is essential to the orderly functioning of society and the married life is overall a very satisfying one. Yet it is not something that ever had any appeal to Erin. Not for lack of possibilities. Erin has turned down several marriage proposals from Chinese and Western men. She is the sort of woman who invites such things. Not because of her appearance. Erin is not what you would call conventionally beautiful. But it is because her desire not to settle down is so apparent that a string of men could not resist trying to break that free spirit, because men love a challenge.

On the other hand, there are an increasing number of, how to say, not nice girls in China. Perhaps that is not a particularly fair way to classify them. They just want to find someone to spend a lot of money of them and are not particular about whom that is. This is a consequence of China’s recent economic growth. Indeed, China is leading the world in the consumption of luxury items, and the women I am describing certainly qualify as a luxury item. God knows they are out of my league. A few of these girls make their way onto the website and we do our best to weed them out. These are girls, to use a line from an old Cyndi Lauper song, who just want to have fun. They are young and hot and want action. There are girls like this all over the world and have been throughout the whole of human history as far as I have been able to determine. God bless em. If I were young and that hot I would probably be in their ranks.

But the thing about Erin is, she fits into neither of these groups and this is a good thing. Perhaps not for her, because it is always hard to be different, the outcast, the outlier. But I think it is a good sign that nontraditional types are springing up in China. It shows the society is becoming more diverse, more different. Of course in America, Erin would still be an outlier, but she would be of a type: the free spirit. She would probably be at some commune or another, maybe learn Thai massage and perhaps even ultimately end up teaching creative writing at a community college somewhere. The thing is, there is a path open for someone like Erin in America, a cultural understanding. But there isn’t yet in China.

It is the same with a group that in some ways could not be more different than Erin but in another share the characteristic of being female outliers. I am talking about Chinese female Ph.Ds. In China, they say there are three sexes: men, women and female Ph.Ds. I teach a class of these women. They know this is said about them, know that this diminishes their chances in the dating world and yet they plunge bravely forward.

I write this to let you know there are a variety of Chinese women out there and the types are expanding and will continue to expand. So you never know what types you will meet online. So it was International Women’s Day recently, and I was thinking about these two groups, the Chinese free spirits and its Ph.Ds, and wishing them both well and admiring their courage. If you are lucky, you will run into one of them at some point.

You can learn a lot more from the invaluable insights and knowledge of other foreign men who share their real-life experiences on dating Chinese women on ChinaLoveMatch.net, the trusted Chinese dating site

1 comment:

  1. Peter, Erin reminds me of several young women I knew as a youth, including one who was also an "Erin". They came across as having incredibly deep souls on the one hand and, and yet seemed utterly lost in space on the other. That combination of wisdom and childish naievity made them somehow both fascinating and extremely attractive to me.

    For those of you who are interested, Peter has written a great article and posted it on our CLM page on Blogger.com. You can find it here: