Friday, April 26, 2013

Chinese Online Dating: Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone

Have you always found it easy to charm women? Or have you always been awkward around them? Perhaps dating has always been a delightful adventure for you, or you may have always found it a stressful experience. If you have finally decided that you want to seriously look for love and the love of your life, and if you honestly feel that a Chinese woman is your ideal woman, you must be ready to step out of your comfort zone.

A lot of the basic "rules" of dating will still apply when you decide to give Chinese online dating a go; at the same time, you will also have to prepare yourself to deal with situations that might be outside of your comfort zone and/or completely unfamiliar to you. For the Chinese woman of your dreams, of course, you must be willing to explore and accept new ideas, attitudes, and behaviors.

Firstly, you have to have an open mind about some traditional Chinese women's conventional attitudes toward dating and relationships. Dating, for such women, is already a step toward marriage and they measure a man's suitability as a life mate by asking him questions that may be considered too personal in other cultures. Even modern Chinese females, in fact, may find such suitability standards practical and they may want to find out the same information about you for the same reasons.

These women will most likely ask you, very early in the getting-to-know stage of your dating, how much money you make; if you own a house or if you plan/can afford to buy one soon; if you own a car and what type of car you drive; how serious you are about starting a family; and about other personal information that will help them gauge if you will be a good provider and if you will be able to provide financial security for your family.

When you find yourself in such a situation, bear in mind that these women are not being greedy; they are not just after your money; they are not gold-diggers. Such opportunistic characters are often not so honest and straightforward about what they are looking for. You must understand that it is a normal part of the husband selection process in China to ascertain the ability of a man to adequately provide for his family. Additionally, many modern women who may be financially stable themselves are most likely only being practical and are simply desiring a partner that has the same priorities as they do, especially with regards to having a secure future.

Secondly, you have to learn to accept, or at least tolerate, the tight-knit relationship a Chinese woman has with her family, with her parents in particular. You may meet an adult woman who still seeks her parents' approval when making decisions, including those about dating and relationships. You may meet a lady who wants to continue taking care of and financially supporting her parents even after marriage.

Whether or not you approve of their filial piety, you have to learn to respect the importance of family to the woman who will be your future wife someday. After all, you will also be benefiting from the same kind of devotion, as her husband, and she will be passing on the same values to your future children.

Another element of Chinese culture you will have to try to understand is their tendency to avoid giving a straight answer when asked a straight question, especially a yes-or-no question. At times, your special Chinese lady may even resort to telling a white lie or keeping things from you. It may be annoying or you may even find it disrespectful. But you have to understand that their predisposition to elusiveness is rooted in their belief in the concept of face.

When giving a direct answer will lead to them or you losing face, they will almost always opt to not take that route; they will be vague, lie, or choose not to say anything at all, instead. It might seem like a ridiculous way of thinking to you, but to your woman, it has a lot of significance.

These are only some of the things outside of your comfort zone that you will have to prepare yourself for. Always ask yourself if tolerating, accepting, or doing something will mean more to your woman than it will mean to you if you don't. If your answer is yes, then it will not be much of a leap for you outside your comfort zone.

Discover tons of great information about Chinese online dating, Chinese women (both modern and traditional), and cross-cultural relationships on the blogs, magazine and forum of (the home of safe Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, relationships, and all things virtual, cross-cultural, and Chinese.

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