Saturday, April 13, 2013

Chinese Dating: Digging for Gold or Digging for Security?

"What kind of work do you do? How much do you make every month?" Foreign men who are actively Chinese dating may be put off when asked these questions by Chinese women they have only just met. "Do you own a house and a car?" "What kind of car do you drive?" Foreign men may have valid reason to think women who are curious about such things are gold diggers. Chinese women who are very forthright with their curiosity about a foreign man's financial status do come off as being materialistic, even greedy, and only after money and a comfortable life, not love and companionship. Such attitudes may make some foreign men write off such women as not being a suitable life partner because they may only want to marry for money. In many instances, however, dismissing these women completely may be premature.

There is a difference between a person who is a gold-digger, i.e. someone who is only after money and exploits another person for their money, and a person who is after financial security, i.e. someone who wants to find a partner who has the means to support a family. It may be worth a foreign man's time to dig deeper and find out why a Chinese woman is asking these questions. In most other cultures, it is considered improper and rude to ask personal questions such as those pertaining to a person's financial standing in almost any kind of situation, including dating. Foreign men must realize or remember that in China, a man's financial status is open to the scrutiny of potential partners and their families because being able to support a family is a top requirement to be considered a suitable husband.

Simply put, a practice that is considered impolite in one culture may be completely normal and acceptable in another culture. When a Chinese woman is very direct with her questions about a man's financial standing, their straightforwardness may give the foreign man the wrong idea about their intentions. More often than not, they only want to find out if the man will be a good provider. This is a good example of cultural differences causing misunderstandings.

On the flip side of the coin, gold-diggers will not be so open about their greedy intentions. They are rarely concerned about whether or not a potential husband will be able to support a family; they are only concerned about having money to spend on themselves, having money to live the comfortable or lavish lifestyle they desire. They will not care much about what other good qualities a potential husband has to offer as long as he has money.

It can be said that Chinese women who want to ensure financial security in marriage have a certain degree of maturity; they plan for the long term and can be even considered smart about their future. They cannot be faulted for desiring a man who can give them this security just as a man cannot also be faulted for desiring a woman who can satisfy his sexual needs.

At the end of the day, dating and looking for a suitable life partner are still about finding that one person whose needs and goals compliment your own. If a foreign man meets a Chinese woman and there is an emotional, mental, and/or physical connection and attraction that is worth pursuing, he should not be too quick to write her off if she immediately asks him about how much he earns and what type of car he drives. He should take the time to get to know her better or he may lose out on a wonderful opportunity to be with a wonderful woman if he turns out to have misjudged her too quickly.

Discover tons of great information about Chinese dating, Chinese women, and cross-cultural relationships on the blogs, magazine and forum of (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, relationships, and all things virtual, cross-cultural, and Chinese.

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