When Clever and Beautiful Chinese Women Are Not Clever and Beautiful

There is a paradox in Chinese society which involves Chinese women that has only manifested itself recently. It is the “Shengnu” paradox. With China’s gender imbalance estimated to reach its tipping point very soon, the irony of the existence of the “Sheng nu,” or the so-called leftover women, has become a serious topic for debate in the news and in blogs everywhere.

The “Sheng nu” phenomenon is both a deliberate concoction of Chinese society and a natural consequence of China’s age-old marriage traditions conflicting with modern realities. The paradox that exists within this phenomenon is multi-faceted.

Firstly, the phenomenon deems clever and beautiful Chinese women not so clever and beautiful on account of the fact that they let themselves become leftovers. Secondly, the society’s stubbornly traditional attitude towards marriage and women,which gave birth to this phenomenon, actually undermines its intended purpose of ensuring the continuation of traditional marriage practices and only worsens the gender imbalance which it’s supposed to solve.

The “Sheng nu” phenomenon, understandably, exists largely in China’s big cities where Chinese women find themselves having to prioritize college/university education and careers and setting aside, for the meantime, traditional goals.

It is not that modern women of China have become ambitious and have chosen to turn their backs on marriage and family. It is just that they have to play new roles in order to adapt to the ever-changing economic climate in China and to become the filial child that their parents can depend on financially.

So these beautiful Chinese women become well-educated and independent, out of necessity, filial piety, and, eventually, simply for self-betterment. While fulfilling their new roles, however, they spend their marriageable years working hard instead of finding a suitable mate, getting married, and having children. By the time that they can finally make time for these traditional pursuits, they are no longer considered marriage-worthy.

So while their cleverness and independence, which should add to their overall beauty, enable them to effectively fulfill their new roles, these same traits actually also become their downfall. In the process of living up to modern expectations, they end up failing in their traditional roles and their society punishes them for it.

It does not matter that the surplus of Chinese bachelors is growing by the millions every year, tradition is tradition and women of a certain age and social status are simply no longer suitable as wives.

There is also the prevailing concept of “face.” Chinese men are supposed to be superior to women in age, education, and social and economic status; being with a woman of equal status may already cause them to lose face. Being with a woman of higher status is simply unacceptable. Being with a woman who is already in her late 20s or older and with very impressive credentials to boot is downright repugnant.

The idea of being with a highly-educated, highly-successful, and independent beautiful woman whose traditional desirability has “expired”is so abhorrent to most Chinese men that they would rather remain bachelors for the rest of their lives. And the unfortunate plight of these bachelors is the fault of these women who supposedly chose their personal ambitions over their societal obligations. They only have themselves to blame for becoming “leftovers.” Perhaps they’re not so clever after all; given their age and accomplishments, they are no longer beautiful.

The real tragedy is that these women do want marriage and a family. They set aside these desires because they chose to face the new challenges that their modern society presented them with. Now, not only are they being denied the chance to finally fulfill their traditional roles, they are also ridiculed for being more than what was expected of them.

But they refuse to accept the “unfortunate fate” that they supposedly brought upon themselves. Their society may see them as undesirable, but these women know better.

Discover tons of great information about Chinese women and Chinese dating on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

The Bare Truth About Chinese Women’s Underwear

Okay, so you’re not just after one-night stands; you’re dating Chinese women because you genuinely want a Chinese wife. There are a lot more important things about her culture, society, language, and family that you ought to understand; but let’s take a break from all the more relevant stuff and dive under (no pun intended) their outer layers to understand the bare truth about Chinese women’s attitude toward underwear.

Those with honest intentions to marry a Chinese woman would say that they don’t care about what’s on the outside; what matters to them is what’s within. How about what’s in between? Men will be men, after all, and even the most decent and respectful ones cannot deny the purely sexual appeal of a provocative piece of underwear. It’s not perversion; it’s simply biological.But while sexy underwear can turn a western man on, for a man who’s not just after the physical, un-sexy underwear might not necessarily disappoint.

Based on rich, personal experiences and, of course, media exposure, foreign men have an intimate knowledge of what’s inside western women’s intimates drawers: sexy and racy pieces that leave little to the imagination. Perhaps based more on what they see on Chinese, Korean, and Japanese advertisements and shows, they may also have a good idea of the kind of intimate apparel these Asian women, and particularly Chinese women, keep in their closets: dainty pieces with cute patterns and prints that actually seem more appropriate for kids.

Alright, the cute undies are most likely only popular among those who are still in college and in their early 20s. Most of those who are in their late 20s and older still prefer intimate garments that are simple and comfortable and that also provide adequate coverage; in the west, these are known as granny panties.

When it comes to intimate clothing, Chinese women of a certain age may seem to be more concerned about “functionality” than they are about feeling and looking sexy; the younger ones are, obviously, more influenced by what they see on television, in magazines, and online. All in all, however, expression of their sexuality through intimate clothing is slowly catching up to Chinese women’s openness toward many other things that are sexual in nature, particularly as it relates to relationships.

In fact, many modern women of China are no longer averse to physical intimacy before marriage, or even premarital sex; but they’re still very timid when it comes to discussing sex, even among their friends. And buying and wearing provocative intimates simply scream sex. In other words, being sexy, for Chinese women, is the same as admitting that they are having sex. For this reason, only a brave few visit intimate apparel shops. The same is true for women who are already married.

Another reason that many women of China seem to have “prudish” tastes in underwear and would not even think of wearing daring lingerie is because their role models growing up were their old-fashioned mothers; actually, most grew up in households that could only afford cheap undergarments and at a time when any form of sexuality in the media was still heavily censored.

Nowadays, Chinese women are exposed to models and actresses from the west, as well as from their own country, who strut their stuff in teeny undies that only cover up the “bare essentials.” Those that get to travel to and/or live for some time in other countries are most likely to explore and indulge their sensuality and sexual vanity, even after they return to China.

But make no mistake about it; today’s Chinese women are very conscious about their appearance and about fashion. Even as their exposure to sexy brands such as Victoria’s Secret, Calvin Klein, Wacoal, and La Perla increases, as well as their ability to afford such personal luxuries, many women of China have yet to allow themselves such degrees of abandon to their sexuality as western women have done.

So for those foreign men who are thinking of giving their Chinese girlfriend sexy underwear or lingerie as a gift, unless they’re sure that their girlfriend is very comfortable with her sexuality and perhaps even overtly sexual in nature, it would be best to wait to give her such an intimate gift until after they’re married. Or perhaps more accurately, until after they have begun to explore sex together, whether that is before marriage or after.

One thing you can be quite sure of is that a Chinese woman, if she feels she can trust her man not to be judging her, will open up and grow to treasure a warm and loving sexuality in her relationship and all the joys that go with it. Chinese women love to be appreciated for their beauty, and if you slowly introduce sexy undies as one more way that you treasure her beauty and her love, she will take to them like a duck to water.

Discover tons of great information about Chinese women and Chinese dating on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Chinese Women and the Not-So-Simple Choices They Have

To go to college or university or not, if they can afford to; to move where good opportunities are, establish a career and a comfortable life, and become independent; to marry and start a family at a young age – these are the not-so-simple choices that today’s Chinese women face.

Perhaps life was, indeed, much simpler for them back in the days when they didn’t have much freedom of choice, if they had any at all; those times when their life was not theirs to control, when decisions were made for them. Yes, their life was a lot simpler then.

As life would have it, the more choices you have, the more complicated your life becomes. This is what today’s Chinese women have come to realize. On the upside, they also enjoy more freedom and independence nowadays. If only their choices were still not chained to so many traditional expectations, then life would not be doubly complicated.

It can be said that it is these traditional expectations that continue to ensure that Chinese women do not “go too far” with their freedom and independence. In effect, they have not really broken free of their chains; they were just given much longer ones.

If they had the means to do so, should they attend college/university and, perhaps, even get a master’s degree and then a Ph.D.? This will definitely open up more doors of career opportunities for them. For the majority of Chinese women, the key that opens that college/university door for them is often forged by their parents’ hard work.

Of course, they are expected to “return the investment” that their parents made, and given that their society made college/education more accessible to more people, they are also expected to “give back” to society.

There is nothing wrong with these expectations; but the fact that Chinese women are also expected to stick to traditional gender roles make things unfairly complicated.

Having decided to get a college/university degree, should they pursue a career and work hard to become successful? The simple answer would be “Yes.” In fact, countless Chinese women have taken advantage of opportunities to get higher education, with the goal of finding a good job, and perhaps even establish a very successful career. Their choice is not just borne out of their personal ambition; it is also borne out of their sense of obligation to their parents and society.

They don’t mind supporting their parents at all; in fact, they take pride in the fact that they are able to do this all on their own.Many become so successful financially that they are also able to enjoy certain comforts and luxuries, and have their parents set for life. Being successful also means they become productive members of their society.

So they have fulfilled their obligations, right? If only things were that simple for these women.

On the one hand, they are expected to excel in school, get a well-paying job, secure the future of their parents, and contribute to the society’s economy. On the other hand, they are also expected to follow traditional ways and get married by a certain age and have children. Doing so will also be in fulfillment of their parents’ wishes and their filial piety, as much as it is in fulfillment of their gender roles in society – which has become even more important now given the high ratio between the male and female populations.

Realistically speaking, Chinese women have the ability to fulfill both modern and traditional expectations. Unfortunately, the society in which they live in is not realistic with its demands.

Attending college/university and establishing a career takes time; but it’s time they don’t really have if they are also expected to marry and have children by a certain age. It is not even a question of whether Chinese women want a family life or the life of a career woman because having both is possible. The problem is their society forces them to choose only one while, at the same time, expecting them to do both.

Given these conflicting traditional and modern expectations, it does seem like the only really simple choice they have is to keep living the restricted life Chinese women used to have. Unquestionably, they are a lot better off now, and that is exactly what the purpose of these new choices that are available to them should be – for them to be better off. In a lot of ways, they are, despite the fact that none of their choices are ever simple.

Things have already started to get better for them; and from the looks of things, they are only bound to get better still. Discover tons of great information about Chinese women and Chinese dating on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Chinese Dating and the He Said, She Said Phenomenon

Chinese men believe the best age for women to get married is between 24 and 25 years, and for men it’s 27 years; Chinese women believe the most ideal marrying age for men is 32, and 28 for women (Source: http://www.womenofchina.cn/html/womenofchina/report/152536-1.htm). China, you have a problem.

So when a 27-year-old Chinese man is finally looking for a suitable 24-year-old wife, the 24-year-old women are not yet ready to get married; and when a 28-year-old woman is finally ready to settle down, men around her age want a woman who is younger, if they’re not already married.

What we have here may seem like a simple disagreement between the sexes, but one that has been causing serious social problems because of other, bigger factors that are in play.

In a country where getting married and having a family are of paramount significance to the society, it would, of course, be just as extremely important that its single men and women are on the same page about when the best time is to get married. In a country where a surplus of single men is already a serious problem, being more flexible about one’s standards or requirements when choosing a suitable wife would be the most practical option for men.

It’s not like the concessions the men will have to make to secure a wife, at least with regards to age, are so steep and unfair. In fact, they’re neither steep nor unfair at all!These men won’t be giving up or losing anything by making a few years adjustment to their perspective! In fact, they even have more to gain because the “older” women they can be with have more experiences and the maturity that goes along with them.

But so many Chinese men are so unwilling to budge on this matter, and it has gotten to an absurd point where an increasing number of men are complaining about how hard it is to find a wife or that Chinese women are so hard to please, when there are so many Chinese women out there who will be happy enough just to find a partner who is honest, good, and hardworking, but who are completely written off by these men as unsuitable wives because they are nearly thirty.

One can point out that the women can make the necessary adjustment in attitude themselves. Sure, women in China are in a position to NOT make any compromises because they are, after all, the sought-after “commodity” in the tough Chinese marriage market. Unlike the completely reasonable concessions that the men in their country will have to make with regards to a woman’s ideal marrying age – concessions which, in fact, will not cost them anything – demanding that women marry at a young age actually means the loss of many opportunities for these women.

In other words, Chinese men adjusting their age requirements by a few years is in no way unfair to them; but having the women make the adjustments is completely unfair to them. The situation is not about who gets to call the shots; it’s about having a situation that is mutually beneficial to both sides, not just one. At least, this is how the Chinese men should start seeing it if they really want to solve their “problem” of bachelorhood.

There are so many single, Chinese women in their late 20s and early 30s still looking for a good husband out there; many of these women do not even care much about a man owning a house or being in a certain income bracket, because these women are pretty much doing well financially and have stable jobs/successful careers. They’re not just looking for a man to support them financially; they’re looking for a real companion. But they’re having trouble finding a husband among the men in their society because these men have already eliminated them from their choices.

This prejudice against a certain age group is just ridiculous because these women are the “riper” choices and they make more ideal partners. Chinese men do not have any idea at all what they’re missing, which is very fortunate for all the foreign men out there who are looking for a Chinese wife!

Discover tons of great information about Chinese women and Chinese dating on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of real Chinese dating ), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Why Chinese Women Should Consider Dating Foreign Men Who Are Older Than Themselves

Like a broken record, it has been said over and over that men get better with age; they have been compared to fine wine. While not all middle-aged foreign men are like George Clooney, Pierce Brosnan, or Bon Jovi, there are still plenty of good reasons why Chinese women should date men three-quarters of the way over the hill.

There’s just something so reassuring about a man who already has a few wrinkles on his face and some grey in his hair. Many middle-aged men carry themselves with such confidence and sophistication that one can’t help but see these signs of aging more like badges of honor. They can definitely project an image of worldly wisdom and a steady character.

And if there is one thing that can really turn a woman on, it is a man’s ability to make her feel safe and secure.

Middle-aged men, whether they have already been married at least once or gotten close to it, also already know what they want in a woman, in a relationship, and in life. Without a doubt, their desire for a Chinese wife only proves that they are not only ready to settle down, but that they know exactly what they’re looking for in a partner and a marriage.

Even better, these men are not daunted by what-ifs and challenges in a relationship; and with a cross-cultural relationship, there is no shortage of what-ifs and challenges. They know what they want, they figure out a plan to get to their goal, and they tackle the obstacles head-on. They know the risks, but these do not make them less determined to realize their dream of finding their ideal partner and finding love. Their confidence and determination stem from their substantial life experiences and the maturity that developed as a result.

While this is not true of all men in their late thirties, forties, and fifties, many of them do already have established careers and live comfortable lives. This means they are very much able to not only be a good provider, but also to be a devoted partner, presence-wise most especially.

Did I say older men are self-confident? They are and they have valid reasons to be so; they certainly have the “goods” to back up their self-assuredness. By this, of course, I mean not in an arrogant way (although, there are men who are simply arrogant). Their experiences, especially the challenges they have overcome, have helped them truly learn what they’re made of and given them less room for self-doubt and insecurities. Especially when it comes to finding a partner, their confidence stems from the fact that they know what they have to offer a woman.

Aside from financial stability and a secure future, middle-aged men also have their experiences and wisdom to share with their mate. Particularly if the Chinese woman is younger, she only has everything to gain by being with an older and worldly wise man.

Again, because these men already know what they want in a woman, their mate is free to be themselves. The woman they’re with doesn’t have to change to fit their desires; she is exactly who they desire. They’re happy with the woman and the partner that she is, and they appreciate who she is. Why else would they choose her?

As lovers, middle-aged men are also more experienced, for obvious reasons; and they are more considerate and patient. Most importantly, they are not selfish. Pleasing their woman is very important to them, and they definitely know how to do this better than many younger men.

Chinese women have plenty of good reasons to choose older men as their mate; given the kind of partner they need and marriage that they’re hoping to have, middle-aged, foreign men undoubtedly make very ideal life mates.

Discover tons of great information about Chinese women, foreign men, Chinese dating, and cross-cultural relationships on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, relationships, and all things Chinese.